The mountain: ever since childhood I've had an elevator speech attached to my name, my name is Sierra, like the mountain, the African country, the truck, the soda. Usually by the end of this long winded sentence people understand my name is not Sarah. Anyway, my name is Sierra, like the mountain, and I need to downsize. I've always been overweight, the degrees of which have fluctuated over the years. For nearly all of my adult life I've shopped in the 'plus size' section, or avoided shopping at all. At my heaviest, 276, I avoided mirrors, let alone the mall. At 276 pounds I wore a 24/26, or a 3x and I ached from the moment I got out of bed until I got back into bed at night. I was tired all the time, and truth be told I was in a sinking, stifling depression. It seems so long ago. My son was 5 and he was my biggest motivation. You see, he deserved a mom who could play at the playground with him, and I certainly didn't mean the requirements at my weight. I would bring him to the park, and sit on the tiny metal bench with a book until my fat ass on the little bench made my legs fall asleep. I even considered bringing my large seated folding camp chair, but I was ashamed that other moms would know why I didn't want to perch my fatness on the tiny bench.
So I began. I started with a food logging notebook off amazon, and a kitchen scale. I was a stay at home mom, and we never ate out. I logged EVERY bite that crossed my lips, and this book was attached to me all day long. I swapped out coffee for seltzer and juice or seltzer and root beer extract and agave. I drank water ALL DAY. After a couple weeks I started to see real results and gave up meat and dairy, and I started walking for 30 minutes or more each day. Over the next 6 months I lost 60 pounds! I then underwent a huge lifestyle change, and part of that was going back to work, to a job that I walked a whopping 6 MILES a day at. The downside to this job was that I not only added meat and then eventually dairy, but I stopped calorie counting. Part of my lifestyle change included meeting my future husband, and one of our favorite things to do was/is to cook new food and to eat out. Even with these changes I continued to lose the weight, getting to my lowest weight since childhood, 185. I was planning a 100 pound down celebration! I changed jobs at this point again, to a job that was much more spiritually rewarding, but was much, MUCH more sedintary. And then I got pregnant... Over the pregnancy I gained 70 pounds, and lost 40 upon delivery.
My bundle of joy (a second son) is now 10 months old. I have steadily put every single pound I once lost back on. The last time I weighed myself was 2 weeks ago (I don't own a scale) I weighed in at 278. I'm a stay at home mom again, and I sit on my ass nearly all the time. I'm ashamed of how far I've fallen. People who supported my weight loss efforts comment on what a shame it is that my pregnancy led me to gain all the weight back. Not helping people! Comments that I 'know how to lose it, just do it again' don't help either.
So here is the meat of why I started this little spot on the internet, a corner go call my own. I must lose this weight again, and then some. There is no future in my life where I lose almost 100 pounds THREE times. Twice is going to be rough enough. My 9 year old son deserves a mom who will go out and toss a ball around or go swimming at the lake just as much as he did a 5. My young toddler needs a mum who will climb around the playground and play on the floor with him. My body deserves ache free days and the sweet burn of a good workout.
How far I've fallen is easy to see, and even easier to define. I've ignored the scale and my body's protests, to the tune of a 278 lb weigh in. The 'why' is easy too! I'm 28 and each year at this obsese size makes the pounds harder to shake, and my bones can't handle this much baggage forever. I'm too young for daily aches, and I need to be ready at a whim to have fun with my kids. What is harder for me to admit is how attached i am to the joy eating brings me, and how truly addicted to sugar and process food I am. I know I need to break this addiction, and find joy in preparing healthy dishes for myself and my family. More to come!
